June 26th is Forgiveness Day. Are You Ready to #Forgive the One that Wronged You?

6/26/2014

Since Forgiveness Day is June 26th, I thought I'd share my views on the topic.Seems like forgiveness is in short supply these days. In fact, yesterdayI saw a man stop traffic and get out of his truck just so he could let another drive know he didn’t appreciate being cut off. Really dude? After you cut ME off, you get out of your truck to confront someone for doing the same thing to you. Can you say Karma?!?

Now I know forgiveness is easier said than done for some. And I don’t profess to have all the answers but I’ve been described as laid-back and having an infinite amount of patience. However, I don’t think those are accurate. I think I’m just really good at letting go and forgiving. So how do I do it?

I make a list of the good things that emerge as a result of an awful experience. It’s tempting to focus on the negative parts of an experience. Don’t! Instead exam what happened then look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of the experience that has required your forgiveness.

I try to be compassionate with myself. If you've ruminated over the wrong for a long time, taking a new direction could take some time, too. When you try to make a new path out of the darkness of anger and hurt, you'll make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. Remember, extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. Eat healthy. Rest. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions and process them. Then let go. Don't bottle up the pain.

I try to balance trust with wisdom. It's a fact that not all of our fellow humans are trustworthy. Painful memories can serve to protect us from future hurts. In fact, some victims of crime, for example, are empowered when given permission to not forgive. Know when to walk away and how to protect yourself from getting into a situation that will lead to hurt. Forgiveness is not acceptance of wrong behavior. While it's fruitless to torment yourself over a person's actions, you should not be his or her willing victim. Acknowledge; move on.

The heroes and heroines in my stories struggle with forgiveness. In my latest story, Alpha Mine, the hero, Stephan, discriminates against the heroine, Katrina, for being human. He does things under the guise of protecting her that would make some women cringe. And yet, Kat realizes that if they are to have their happily ever after, her vampire needs to change and she must find a way to forgive him.

It isn’t easy to forgive someone who wrongs you. I won’t pretend that I’ve
forgiven everyone who has hurt me. But when you can let the
hurt go, you’ll be a happier person.
As Max Lucado once said…

June 26th is Forgiveness Day. Are You Ready to #Forgive the One that Wronged You?

Brenda Sparks

Archives

Categories